RAIN by Tara Brach: a path to radical Self-Compassion
How meeting the storms of life with warm RAIN can reduce overwhelm, encourage acceptance and soothe anxiety.
The territory of life can be an emotional landscape, with highs and depths akin to the fells and valleys of the most rugged of terrains. At times I’m sure we are all subsumed by our emotions and, like being caught in a storm, can fear being totally drowned by the downpour. The ability to lean into our emotions, to allow them to be fully felt, to move through the eye of the storm and out to the other side with kindness and empathy for ourselves is so vital for our ability to meet life on an even keel and have some sense of steering our own ship.
But this isn’t always easy. Being gentle with ourselves isn’t always the first place we go when faced with difficulty. Much more familiar may be the tendency to go down the path of self-criticism, of frustration at our inability to cope, or fatalistic thinking that we have no power to change things that saps our hope and strength.
A clear process to help navigate these emotional times I find can be so helpful. There are simple yet profound practices offered in the Buddhist tradition that offer some support. The acronym RAIN, by Tara Brach, is one of them.
“The deepest transformation in our life comes down to something very simple: We learn to respond, not react, to what is going on inside us.”
Quote by Tara Brach
Tara Brach, a wonderful Dharma (teachings of the Buddha) teacher offers us the acronym of RAIN to use when we are experiencing the overwhelm of emotional difficulty. When we can fully accept all aspects of life's experience without judgement, when we can begin from a place of fully accepting what is, it opens the door to compassion, understanding and healing.
Here I’d like to walk you through Tara Brach's 4 stage RAIN process to help you navigate even the most challenging of emotions as they arise:
The four stages of RAIN - by Tara Brach
Recognise what is going on;
Allowing the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with interest and care;
Nurture with self-compassion.
Recognise is simply that, to notice what is happening, the experience, the emotion, the thoughts, the behaviours. Be aware of what is happening in the here and now and name it quietly to yourself. This process greatly increases our self-awareness and can help us avoid the unconscious storytelling that can hijack us into unhelpful behaviours.
Allowing is again simply that, to let those feelings be present, without trying to change or fix anything. Simply feeling and allowing whatever comes up, so if there is self-criticism or judgement we just notice and allow, it doesn’t mean we have to agree but there is no urge to push it away.
Tara Brach suggests that quiet words to ourselves of encouragement like “let it be, it’s ok” can be helpful to support us in sitting with whatever arises.
Investigate. This is about bringing deeper attention to what is arising and bringing more focused awareness to it with an air of curiosity. We might ask ourselves ‘What is calling for my attention?’, ‘How is this feeling in my body?’. The focus here is ideally bringing attention to the felt-sense in our bodies rather than storytelling in the mind.
Approaching with an attitude of curiosity and non-judgement is what’s called for at this step, which creates more of a culture of inward care and makes it easier to connect with the true nature of our hurts or fears.
Nurture is the final step and this, as Tara Brach suggests, tends to come naturally when we recognise there is suffering. Imagine you are your kindest companion in this moment and your goal is to find out what will bring most care, healing and compassion. The inquiry here turns towards what do we need to feel safe. What does the part of ourselves that is hurting need to hear or experience to feel comforted? Nothing more than a small gesture may be needed, an internally whispered word of encouragement, a gentle hand on the heart or belly, a visualisation that brings warmth and comfort.
This step of nurture is essentially guiding us towards offering reassurance, perhaps forgiveness, ultimately love to ourselves.
As we journey through life, we often encounter emotional highs and lows that can leave us feeling overwhelmed or lost. It's during these challenging times that self-compassion is an essential and often sometimes overlooked ingredient for nurturing our well-being. Learning the profound yet simple four step meditation process of RAIN from Tara Brach can help you move through even the most challenging emotions and ultimately lead you toward a more balanced, compassionate, and fulfilling life.
This whole exercise need not take much time, it can be moments or whatever space you can give to it, just remember when you’re in the storm, let the RAIN come. Tara Brach suggests that using this as a repeated mindful meditation practice nudges us ever closer to the reality of the loving truth of who we really are, which is essentially goodness.
More of her insight can be found in her books Radical Acceptance and Radical Compassion. The title of her books give us some clue to what’s at the heart of her work of meeting life well and with kindness. I’d also highly recommend her podcast.
“When we trust that we are the ocean, we are not afraid of the waves.”
quote by TARA BRACH
I hope you enjoy exploring this process and as ever, I would love to hear from you if you would like to share your experience or would welcome professional guidance on your journey.
Warmly, Karin Peeters
Coach & Psychotherapist
Founder of Vitalis Coaching & Therapy
