What are the best "Self Help" books that actually work?
Self Help Books: can they help us heal and be happier? My gosh, there are sooo many. And if you are like me, interested in this "let's do this self-improvement thing", there is enough supply to read for many lifetimes. Which ones to choose? And do they actually work?
Enjoy this short video of my own book shelf. In the video you can find my personal favourites. The ones I selected focus on creativity, Buddhist ways of overcoming feeling anxious or low, Eastern Philosophy and finding or improving relationships.
Warmly, Karin Peeters
Welcome to the Self-Help collection of a qualified Life & Career Coach and Psychotherapist, plus a lover of all things related to Eastern wisdom.
What is the best Self-Help book?
Welcome to the personal book shelf of Karin peeters, Life & Career coach and Psychotherapist
Enjoy watching the video with the best self-help books to read. But what might be the problem with these Self-Improvement books?
Why is it that other people tell you that they read a book, and miraculously everything fell into place, and they haven't been the same ever since? Yet when you rush to get the same book, read it cover to cover, full of anticipation, and.... nothing happens. Some good insights, but still struggling as before.
I get it. When you've tried an array of self-development suggestions, hoping not to feel the way you feel anymore yet your challenges still haven't gone away it’s easy to lose trust that there is anything, anyone out there who could make it better. So why would coaching or psychotherapy be worth trying, if honest, heartfelt, serious, devoted reading on the subject is not enough?
What my coaching clients say about reading Self-Help books
Many clients tell me they've been reading books on the subject they are struggling with, like finding Mr or Mrs Right, Being a Good Leader, Public Speaking, Overcoming Anxiety, Increasing Confidence. Online book sellers must have mountains of them in their big storage bunkers. I quote from a freely adapted, but true in essence, mix of what some of my clients tell me…
"It was interesting to read, and certain parts certainly resonated with me, but I still haven't really been able to change, to master the issue. I guess I had an unspoken “please fix me-wish” and hoped the book would do the trick. I definitely learned a lot and am more aware of the issues, yet I have not been able to turn things around yet. And so, now I am here, having coaching sessions with you."
When and how do self-help books help, and when are one-to-one coaching or therapy sessions a better approach?
It needs to bethe right moment. I know, frustrating answer. But change doesn't happen because your head wants it. It happens when your heart, soul and spirit is ready. You've been planting many seeds; each book, workshop, You Tube video, counsellor, alternative healer you've seen makes a contribution to the whole. When a seed grows you see nothing happening for a long time while the roots are forming under the surface of the earth, and then all of a sudden a green sprout appears. Follow your intuition, keep on planting seeds, and one day your tree is ready to burst out of the dirt and grow. Have faith.
Something else might need to happen first. And you probably know what that is, deep inside. But it’s scary. Is there grief locked inside of you? Unresolved anger? A need for more confidence, setting boundaries, learning to stand up for yourself? A part of you wants a quick fix, a solution, a trick, a tool, telling yourself "I want to move forward now. Get over it with and have this issue solved". Yet another part, like your inner child, is apprehensive of getting out there again. And check for yourself, is there a deep wise part of you that is saying "No, no, no by-pass this time. Let's heal properly. Learn to love yourself, including the messy bits, then transformation will happen naturally." This conflict within is pulling you in different directions, and leaves you stuck.
The only way out is through. When your head "gets it", it's not enough. Transformation is not based on intellect. You deceive yourself by saying "Yes, yes, I understand, it has to do with my childhood, and when this and this happened with an ex-partner, or when I had this difficult time at work. But I get that now, it’s in the past, so I should stop feeling low/insecure/wobbly/stuck/sad etc". And you are right. You do know. Yet that does not mean you’re healed. Your intellectual mind understanding what has happened is not the same as healing. Healing is scary at first, as you need to surrender to feeling your emotions. And by that I don’t mean reliving the old pain. I mean revisiting your experiences with the aim of connecting with how they shifted your view of yourself. Having realisations about how you began to have different, unhelpful, beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you. And then, with the help of a qualified Coach or Therapist, you re-write history, reframe those experiences and let go of what is no longer serving you. Everything that happens to us is an opportunity to grow into a better person. To come out wiser, more compassionate. Once we truly connect with the profound message of your challenging experiences, a deep transformation takes place. Being touched like this can happen in unexpected moments: by a friend, a butterfly, a tree, a coach or counsellor, a child, a sound, a smell, and yes also by a book. When you feel it, are deeply moved, experience the hurt and the joy, world and spirit, you heal. And then, as if by miracle, the transformation has already occurred. Just like that. No need for tools and techniques any more. The inner change has happened and you will never be the same again…
That's what I believe. What about you?
Thank you for reading. Whichever path you decide to take; with or without self-help books, enriched with personal sessions with a Coach or Therapist, or any other way, I wish you happiness.
